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Safety Plan #3

Updated: Feb 8

My husband had a lot of frustration after the first real co-parenting session. I of course was not there but when he came home, he had a few things he wanted to get off his chest. The first being his ex-wife tried to deny everything yet again. Even with this therapist having our summary for once instead of it being one sided. She would deny everything, and my husband brought the facts. But there was nothing new with this when it came to denying everything. But overall, it is still frustrating.


The second being: his son wants him to apologize for saying it was inappropriate for him to have 40+ year old friends. My husband stood firm on this one for sure! He wasn’t going to apologize for that. An 11-13 year old shouldn’t have friends with a Manny or Danny who are really his mom’s friends. He shouldn’t b spending Friday nights at his mom’s house at her parties and though she claims she is the sober one, still be around adults drinking AND talking about adults topics a child doesn’t need to be around.


But his ex-wife really tired to deny everything that’s been happening. And sometimes she didn’t even know what to say in repsonse to my husband, or even the re-unification therapist.


The one thing that my husband ended on with sharing was the re-unification therapist told BOTH of them that what was shared in this session was NOT to be mentioned to the child. The therapist also mentioned that the next steps would be re-unification therapy with the father and son as I’ve mentioned before, she could see my stepson was using suicidal as a tool to get out of it.


However, things were shared with the child and not from any of us which leaves only one person who did….


I will give you two examples to show that his mother is still telling him things.


The first is what happened the very next day AND on my husband’s birthday. We were at one of his favorite restaurants to celebrate another birthday. My husband’s aunt was even in town from the South to join us and for me to finally meet her. I will share briefly that there always seems to be something escalated around or on my husband’s birthday from the opposing party. This even happened prior to us getting married.


We were about halfway done eating when I noticed my husband looking down at his phone. Just from his reaction, I knew exactly who texted him. His body langauge changed instantly. There was a moment of pause as his aunt was talking, but I could tell he wanted me to read what he just read himself.


And sure enough, my stepson was heading back to the hospital because over his ZOOM call with his therapist, he said he wanted to harm himself. So Safety Plan #3 was created.


We found out one of the triggers was him having to attend reunification therapy with his father. How would he know that was next unless his mom shared it with him after the coparenting session she attended? And though, there are signs he could be feeling suicidal, we know he is also using it as a tool to get out of certain things. This time I can’t fully say which is it and that’s why it’s concerning that his mom doesn’t think there is anything wrong. But this all happened at the beginning of November.


But because my stepson found out what was said during the session, it’s one of the reasons why he claims we are the manipulative ones.


We understand my husband’s ex-wife did share these things with their son even if she denied it. The clue here is we have a text from the two talking about her sharing court stuff or recordings of my stepson claiming his mom shares things with him. I know I’ve mentioned that in past blogs.


The second was on January 2, 2024 (yesterday) and my stepson sent a text to his father and it was completely out of the blue. We were taken a back by him sharing what he did to my husband. The only way my stepson would say what he did was if his mom told him what was said in the co-parenting session.


My husband has never bashed about his ex-wife in front of his son. The only time he “bashed” her was and is during these co-parenting sessions when they are arguing because she just denies everything going on. And if my stepson didn’t attend, how would he know what his father said?


My husband stated the facts in the co-parenting session all while his ex-wife said everything was perfectly fine. We also have a feeling she spoke to their son about this because since that co-parenting session, we have hardly said anything to stepson let alone even prior. So again, where would he be getting this information from if not from us?


So going back to the beginning of November, his therapist at the time shared that they could no longer handle the case of my stepson because of where he was and IS mentally. His therapist referred him to an intense outpatient program. We have been saying he needed help like this since he confessed to the colliding but no one believed us and claimed he was safest in his mother’s care.


My stepson had an intake, but his mom was able to sit in as well. My husband ended up not getting invited to join but also didn’t know if he should show up. So when we found out that my stepson wasn’t welcomed into the program and that private therapy was what to continue with. I questioned that immediately.


I shared with my husband that something didn’t seem right. Sure enough when my husband called the doctor, we found out he was welcomed into the program and that my husband’s ex-wife gave informed refusal. My question is: WHY?



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