Unfortunately, we aren’t alone in this and today I’m going to share a comparison chart. In the left column is what we dealt with while my stepson was living with us and on the right side is what a friend of mine dealt with when it came to one of her older sons. I had no idea her and I had so much in common with our stories and hearing her ex-husband is trying to do it all over again with their youngest son, is heartbreaking. It seems these parents never want to give up with being the ones in control and making the other parent look bad.
Can you relate to the chart below? Have you dealt with something that maybe we haven't been put through ourselves?
With her ex being in her son’s ear, and telling him things that weren’t true, she installed cameras around the house.
Blue Notebook (creating a spy) – Created at the end of August. When we started to see what was written and how the stories of real-life events were being twisted around, we decided to start recording/documenting our whole life in case they tried to use it against us in court. The courts would have our evidence of the truth. Last saw near the beginning of October when the hunger strike started.
He told his dad that his mom only cooked pasta so he didn’t want to eat. (She is Puerto Rican and loves to make Spanish Food)
He told his mother that we were not feeding him or making any food for him.
Would want to ground him and take his phone but his father would give him back up phones in secret so her punishments meant nothing and he could get away with not having real consquences.
My husband could never take the phone away after signing a court document and his son was to have complete access. He would try to take the phone away as a consequence by putting in a phone basket, but my husband’s ex bought a secret phone for their son to still have complete access to everything and let him do whatever he wanted to. His ex never saw a reason to give consequences to her child. Even when their son wanted to run away on his birthday for no reason. Unless it being a great birthday bothered him because nothing bad happened.
She had to install cameras inside her house when her son lived with her. Her son’s dad would tell him to put a hat to cover the cameras and he would instruct him to speak to him outside (not realizing she had cameras outside as well)
After the false child abuse incident, we installed 4 cameras on the inside of our house. His son wasn’t happy and tampered with the one upstairs and took a picutre of it to tell his mom we had one. We wanted to make sure they didn’t try to escalate things way worse.
Her son would stay in his room 24/7 and his father would force him to be on the phone or play video games with him online so he could be in their son’s ear.
My stepson would stay in his room and text his mom 24/7 even if they deleted messages like they mostly did. He would be just talking to her and caring about her well-being. To create a spy and be in his ear as well.
Her son used to make it super hot downstairs and always wore the same hoodie constantly every day and refused to change out of it even with having brand new stuff in his closet at his mom’s place.
My stepson told his mom that he didn’t have winter clothes and that we weren’t taking proper care of him with letting him go out in shorts and a t-shirt in winter weather. He was constantly sick and missing school because of this. Even after sending pictures of all his winter clothes to his mom, and her telling us to show him again…he was not happy we confronted him and stated, he knew where they were because he placed them there (but still wouldn’t wear them). He’ll wear pants and a sweatshirt at her place with no problem.
Tampered with thermostat upstairs. Even on March 1st (the day he confessed to the colluding) Had a portable one in his room that either his mom or her lawyer gave him, or they just knew about. His ex-wife’s lawyer mentioned that he had one in his room while I, Victoria, was on the stand for the falsified child abuse incident. So instead of coparenting like she was supposed to, they had him have one in his room to do an “I got you” moment and undermine my husband with stating we didn’t have the thermostat to the 68, but we did the whole time. She just never has wanted to co-parent, so they were working together even on this instead of their son putting on clothes other then boxers, and asking for us to make it warmer upstairs if 68 was too cold still. He refused to put on clothes and only walk around in his boxers.
Family Relations talked to her son to help with her ex’s case against her and even though she still won their son’s custoy, when she wants them to help her, they won’t talk to their youngest son (her 12 year old that is starting to get brainwashed by his dad)
Family Relations was only told to talk to my stepson and his therapist to help with that side of the family’s narrative story of us being bad people. To this day, they still haven’t come to us to help us out.
Claims he can’t sleep at our place and claims he is better off dead or at his mom’s than sleeping and being at our placed. We check in on him at nighttime and he’s definitely sleeping and even have had to wake him up because he sleeps through his alarm.
Her son felt suicidal from guilt and confused and stressed from what his dad was causing but now that he is older, he is seeing what is really going on and he’s on good terms with his mom now. He was so badly brainwashed, he felt he was betraying his dad if he even just saw his mom, let alone have fun with her and everyone else.
We are still not sure how much of my stepson being suicidal is a tool and how much of it is real. Especially since we have evidence, he is using it as a tool, but just like others we know in this situation, my stepson is confused and stressed as well. And we feel this is how my stepson is feeling that if he had or has fun with us, it would be betraying his mother.
Even though her son is now 18, he has chosen to be with his mom, and he hates being there because his dad keeps harassing him. (Blowing up his phone talking “crap” to him for him being with his mom). He just wants to be able to enjoy his time with that side of the family finally.
My stepson didn’t enjoy being with us once we got married because he had to be “locked” in his room and texting his mom 24/7 while with us so just like my friend from church, we were receiving contact refusal even while he was with us. He was a completely different person because of this.